Apparently, it’s September.

It’s only the first day of September and already the harbingers of fall approacheth. I’m not talking about changes in weather. The whole changing-leaves-crisp-morning-air thing never makes its way down here. This is Hades’ Armpit, where flip-flops are mandatory and we swelter year-round. See, we realize that other parts of the country must be experiencing “seasons” because of the changes in retail marketing.

To be honest, we find it condescending.

Ok, fine, I find it condescending.

It was never fun to shop for new clothes as a kid when most stores seem to think flannel and down coats are the perfect back-to-school look. Now that I’m an adult (so I’m told), I tend to become overly bitter when I start to see advertisements for things like pumpkin spice lattes. Only cold places can really enjoy pumpkin coffee drinks this early in the year. I’m still two months away from feeling only slightly less like bacon every time I walk outside. The pumpkin spice lattes seem to know this and they’re mocking me.

Starbucks ought to be more sensitive.